I had just spent the past ten minutes stuck in a supermarket queue behind a monstrously fat woman whose face was covered in coloured glitter. I only had one item, as is always the way when you’re in a rush and everyone else has the family shopping to contend with. I started to wonder if she had painted the glitter on her eyelids in an attempt to glorify her piggy little peepers, and that her constant blinking had dislodged it and caused the glitter to stick onto her sweaty face. But the glitter blotches were too random. Then I thought maybe a kid had developed an epileptic fit in the craft aisle and had shaken a whole tube over her while she pointed and laughed. But there was nothing on her clothes, apart from a few specks on her collar that had fallen off her triple chin. Finally her items had been placed through the till, three large bars of chocolate, a cream cake and a family sized meat feast pizza, a meal for one. She then made a quick grasp for a Snickers bar that were conveniently placed adjacent to the conveyor belt and threw it at the cashier. As she pulled a battered purse out of her handbag a small toy unicorn fell out and bounced along the floor and landed by my boot. Everyone stared at it, it was a better distraction than the lift music playing on the tinny speakers above. The unicorn horn was covered in multicoloured glitter and there was a tear in the left back leg. The cashier flatly said ‘you’ve dropped something love, that’s £13.94, do you have a points card?’ as the glitter faced woman struggled to reach the floor trying pick the toy up. Her stomachs seemed to gravitate her closer to the floor than necessary when suddenly, with a deep roar, she toppled over, one hand reaching for the toy unicorn and the other for the side of the moving conveyor belt. She mistakenly grabbed a packet of pork chops instead of holding onto the side and thundered to the ground, her fat almost bouncing her back up again. I recoiled in horror, like any cruel human would, and we all watched as she threw the chops across the floor and pulled the unicorn violently into her face, rubbing the glittered horn all over her until she had started to reach some sort of orgasmic trance. It was then I noticed a trail of brown urine beginning to race across the floor. ‘Fuck this’ I exclaimed and left my item on the conveyor belt and side stepped the piss on the way to the exit.
Glitter Face – A Story