It was not love, it was a soul mate
It was all need and then a heart break
A sweet endeavour, then a tooth ache
And then we do it all over again.
Posted by Shelly Still on October 10, 2011 in flash fiction, poem, poetry
Tags: heartbreak, loss, Love, soul
October 14, 2011 at 10:41 am
I like this poem. I wanted to really like it. From thousands of miles I offer my humble constructive criticism, I hope you understand.
Would you? Could you? Like Doctor Suess remove some words to slow the tune? Too many “ands” and too many “a’s” remove “over” from the last line and I will sing your praise.
October 14, 2011 at 10:46 am
Hi David, constructive criticism always welcome, and I agree with you! I have only been writing a few months now and never really thought about removing words. Thanks for the advice, I will apply to the next stream of conciousness that pops out!
The Orange Tree
October 17, 2011 at 2:37 pm
heart break with a soul mate,
fun words, lovely delivery.
October 17, 2011 at 10:44 pm
We don’t learn easily when it comes to relationships, I’m afraid. Victoria
October 18, 2011 at 2:34 am
a fun verse, lovely expression.
October 20, 2011 at 2:31 am
it is hard to learn from relationships seems that some never learn and keep making the same mistakes all the time
October 20, 2011 at 10:57 am
short and candid, yes it is.
good job! enjoyed this piece.
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